


It's Soft When It Starts

by mightstill



Category: Doctor Who, Torchwood
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-24
Updated: 2008-09-24
Packaged: 2017-10-20 17:49:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/215460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mightstill/pseuds/mightstill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ianto hears the sound of drums.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Soft When It Starts

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for The Stopwatch Fic Exchange on LJ. Canon up until "Exit Wounds" (Torchwood) and "The Poison Sky" (Doctor Who).

"Out of the mists of time it comes; older than the oldest rhyme it comes  
Coursing through our veins it comes; pulsing in our brains it comes  
Crashing like a thunder roll; echoing in our very soul  
Listen for it, as it comes; the pure, and primal sound of drums"  
\- Celtic Thunder

It’s soft when it starts. Ianto barely even knows it’s there – a whisper of a beat as if from music in the far distance, wrapped up in dreams that Ianto doesn’t even remember the next morning. He’ll wake up slowly in Jack’s bed, thoughts of the all of time and space vanished with consciousness. Every night it gets a little stronger - the stress of dealing with whatever the rift throws at them leaves him exhausted and vulnerable, the beats easily seeping in and latching onto him.

He sees everything, absolutely everything, in these dreams - all that is, all that was, all that ever could be. Time stretches infinitely all around him and it’s so much to take in that he wakes up gasping for breath, his head pounding, and he still can’t quite remember why. He’s in his own bed this time and Ianto decides that’s a good thing. He’d rather not Jack ask questions he can’t even begin to start answering.

It hasn’t been that long since Jack’s brother came back and they lost Tosh and Owen, and yet sometimes it feels like it’s been forever. They’ve all doubled up on work, which is only made harder by the random visits from Captain John. Ianto gets annoyed that Jack doesn’t have the heart to tell him to get lost, so they deal with it and pray he doesn’t break anything important. He really doesn’t need this, especially with the continuing morning headaches that Jack has started to notice, but Ianto swears nothing is wrong. He doesn’t tell Jack what he sees in his dreams, now that he’s started to remember. They’re the kind of thoughts and images that would make a person burn and go mad from the sheer intensity of it all. Ianto doesn’t tell Jack because they’re just dreams and Jack would probably laugh at him anyway and either tell him to go back to sleep or pull him close and kiss the life out of him.

He’s down in the archives when he hears the drums for the first time when conscious. At first he thinks it’s a twisted joke, Jack trying to get his attention or, god forbid, John’s around mucking things up. Ianto tentatively calls out but there’s no one around and he winds up laughing at himself. He’s thinking too hard about it, letting his mind wander away from his work. He shakes his head and goes back to filing, which is slightly useless since he knows something will happen in the next day or two that will cause Gwen to come down and look something up, essentially messing up his categorizing. Again.

He hears it every now and then, trying his best to ignore it, especially when they’re Weevil hunting. He doesn’t need to be hearing phantom drums when he needs to be listening for rustling or the sounds of a heavy breath (that are not his own or Jack’s, that is). He needs his wits about him, needs his sharp reflexes intact so he can easily slide away from being mauled and stab the sedative into the alien before Jack has to do something stupid like kill it.

Sometimes it dulls to a soft “baum baum baum baum”, and he can almost pretend it’s not there, or that Gwen’s got music on somewhere and he can only just hear the rhythm and nothing else. And then sometimes the drumming is strong enough that Ianto doesn’t hear it, he _feels_ it. In his blood, pounding like the irregular heart beat of someone with two hearts.

It fades when he’s with Jack, when Jack kisses him and can feel his hands all over him. When they go behind closed doors and the entire universe disappears for a couple hours. He can’t hear the drumming because all he can hear and feel is _Jack_ , and that’s enough of a dizzying experience as it is. Jack is fixed, he’s permanent, and Ianto finds himself gripping onto that, scared to death of what might happen if he lets go. Jack is his anchor should he start getting lost in the drums. Ianto’s never traveled through time or space before and can’t quite comprehend the images that flood his mind but he knows Jack has, and yet it’s Jack who he clings to. The irony is not lost on Ianto.

He doesn’t tell anyone about this, doesn’t mention the constant noise in his head, the pain, and the peculiar déjà vu feeling though he can’t quite remember when this would’ve happened before. Ianto finds himself subconsciously tapping when he gets bored, when he’s trying to feed Myfanwy and she’s being picky or when he’s waiting for the coffee to brew, even when he’s down in the archives and alone with nothing but the dust and the drums. It’s just an annoyance, a side affect from practically living on the rift, Ianto’s sure of it, so he ignores it as much as humanly possible. The last thing he wants is Jack and Gwen fussing over him when there’s much more important things going on.

They’re in the middle of a deadly Sat Nav crisis when the drumming gets so intense that Ianto passes out. Captain John waltzes into the room remarking about how they’re going to bring about Global Warming a couple decades early if they don’t cut it with all the pollution and hey, did they know Eye Candy is lying on the floor? Jack, who was on a conference call with UNIT and the Prime Minister, immediately hangs up. He realizes belatedly that was probably rude, but UNIT wasn’t letting him talk to Martha and the PM was being incredibly unhelpful - instead yelling at them both - so Jack doesn’t feel too guilty. Ianto’s already come to by the time Jack gets over to him though and pushes away Jack’s worried attempts to check him over, instead asking where Gwen is. Ianto groans when he realizes Gwen’s gone outside, murmuring that she should’ve at least taken a gas mask. When Jack won’t give up the worried and overly protective looks and touches, Ianto swears he’s fine, that he just hasn’t been sleeping well and hadn’t eaten that day. An obvious lie but John’s dirty comment about Ianto not sleeping seems to cover it up well enough and he excuses himself down to the archives. That night Ianto begs Jack to fuck him harder than he has since Owen & Tosh died, and for a little while Ianto feels normal.

It’s getting harder and harder to keep this from Jack. He knows he’s mumbling things in his sleep now, things about war and destruction, new empires and gods. Jack has been surprisingly good about not asking Ianto about it, but he knows it’s only a matter of time before Jack takes him aside and forces it out of him. And he knows he wouldn’t be able to lie to Jack, not anymore, not when it’s too much. He’s going to try, however. This is the last thing Jack needs to know. Ianto pretends it’s out of concern for work and where Jack’s attention should be, and not the murmuring in his head telling him Jack is wrong.

Ianto thinks it’s strange that he should see images in his mind of planets burning and feel no sadness or sympathy. He could tell himself that’s because these images aren’t real, but he knows deep down they are, whether they have happened or will happen in the future isn’t relevant. He even gets brief flashes of Earth brought to its knees – masses getting murdered by flying spheres and warheads everywhere – and he still doesn’t feel anything. He thinks maybe he’s going crazy, but then crazy people think they’re fine and he’s aware that something isn’t right, so maybe he is fine after all.

Sometimes Ianto can feel the walls of the universes cracking. He thinks, perhaps finally, he’s had too much coffee. Or perhaps he’s spent too much time in the Hub under the rift, and he needs a holiday. He convinces Jack and Gwen that they all need a break and they plan a trip (including Rhys because Gwen won’t leave without him) to the Welsh countryside. Jack promises no cannibals this time, and Rhys sputters and asks Jack what the hell he means by that. Jack just grins and Gwen promises him nothing… really. Ianto wanders out by himself, glad for the fresh air but it doesn’t seem to help. He can still feel walls cracking and starting to crumble and he knows that somehow the end is near but he’s not really sure what of. There’s an overwhelming presence of the wolf and Jack swears he hears Ianto murmuring “blaidd drwg”. For all Jack’s time in Wales he still doesn’t really know the language but he knows “blaidd drwg” and it’s enough for Jack to ask Ianto what’s going on and if he’s okay. When Jack’s around Ianto doesn’t hear the drums or feel the universes breaking down, but Bad Wolf is everywhere, practically written all over Jack. Ianto smiles and reassures him, just fairy tales. Gwen’s wearing a red hooded sweatshirt so Ianto claims he’s teasing her in Welsh. Gwen pouts but doesn’t take it off.

Ianto dreams the stars are going out, but when he wakes and looks up the sky is fine. He knows that doesn’t matter, time and destiny and drums all wrapping around him like a blanket, the end of the universe is going to happen. In the back of his mind he knows that isn’t _right_ , it’s not supposed to happen this way and yet it is. He sees it; he can feel it - the end of reality, the end of the drums. He almost wishes for it. When Jack wakes and pulls him closer, Ianto lets the drums and the universe go.

He wakes up gasping, his body seizing with pain like he was dying and being dragged back to life. Jack’s not around so Gwen rushes to his side, asking what’s wrong. Ianto’s too weak to say anything other than “the end of the universe” and Gwen’s eyes widen. She tells Rhys to stay with Ianto and make sure he’s okay while she goes to find Jack, but Ianto grabs her wrist and pulls her back, demanding that she not. Gwen tries to protest but the dark look in Ianto’s eyes makes her stop and obey. Instead she sits and presses the back of her hand to his forehead. When Jack gets back, Gwen doesn’t mention Ianto’s whispers of the end of the universe and drums, just that he’s burning up.

Jack doesn’t leave his side till the fever breaks, reminding himself to ask Ianto later about the things he murmured in his delirium – the darkness, walls crumbling, and reality’s end. He thinks they should head back to Cardiff but Ianto begs for at least one more day, it’s not a proper holiday if they’re only gone for two days. Jack starts to protest but finally relents – Ianto’s already feeling almost one hundred percent better, and the relaxation is doing wonders for Gwen too. Ianto doesn’t tell Jack that he’s actually just trying to keep him away from the Hub and the rift.

That night Jack and Ianto leave Gwen and Rhys by the campfire while they walk off into the woods. Ianto keeps looking up as if waiting for something. Jack notices and starts to ask him about it but Ianto cuts him off with a deep kiss and pushes him against a tree. Jack groans and pulls Ianto closer, and Ianto can’t get enough of him. For a few moments Ianto doesn’t feel like the world is ending, except this time it is.

Jack can’t see the stars and instantly he knows that something is wrong, and that Ianto knows what. Ianto can feel Jack probing his mind for answers but he shuts him out, a sadistic sort of smile touching his lips.

“You can’t stop this from happening, Jack.” It dawns on Jack slowly, the pieces all starting to come together. Time has been sped up to the end of the universe, and Ianto’s made sure they’re out in the middle of nowhere so there’s nothing they can do. He doesn’t ask how Ianto knew, doesn’t even want to know who’s behind it though he has an idea, and that idea terrifies him. Jack knows the end of the universe doesn’t happen in the 21st Century so either he’s about to get blinked out of existence or something stops this.

Jack whispers Ianto’s name, quietly, and Ianto flinches. Jack is _wrong_ and it hurts to even look at him but he doesn’t move when Jack steps closer. He can feel Jack’s presence in his mind again and with a mental shove he pushes him out, instead trying to put images in Jack’s mind. Planets burning, the dark and the cold. This is what Ianto sees, what he can feel happening. If he could just get Jack to understand that this is what must happen then maybe Jack would stop fighting and the end could come. Everything would stop and Ianto would be free of the envelope of space and time, free of the drums and the pain. But he feels Jack fighting back, pushing Ianto back out of his head, and Ianto briefly wonders how much longer he can stand. He can feel everything and his head hurts _so much_. He sways in his spot, just for a second, and Jack’s already there, grabbing his arms to steady him and pulling him close. It’s not enough though and Ianto feels like _he’s_ burning, and he looks at Jack helplessly, whispering that they can’t stop this and god, he just wants it all to end. Jack knows that’s not what Ianto means and he kisses him deeply but sweetly, trying to pour whatever energy he can into Ianto. Ianto holds onto Jack for dear life but it’s only a temporary fix, and he knows the second he lets go that it’ll be too much and he won’t be able to handle it all anymore. Not that it’ll matter much anyway, with the universe ending.

But Jack doesn’t let go. He holds Ianto close and keeps kissing him, not caring at all that they need to come up for air at some point. They stand there in the middle of the woods, holding onto each other and praying the other doesn’t let go. Nothing else around them matters. The world could end and they wouldn’t even notice.

When they finally do, tentatively, pull apart, Ianto notices that it’s day. They couldn’t possibly have stood there all night, could they? And if it’s day, that means the world didn’t end. Ianto’s head isn’t pounding anymore but he doesn’t let go of Jack just yet, afraid to be wrong. Jack’s noticed everything too, and a soft smile touches his lips as he kisses Ianto’s forehead. His voice is soft as he asks Ianto if he’s okay, and all Ianto can do is nod, because somehow, they _are_ okay. They start to pull apart when Gwen comes running over to them, asking if they’re alright, have they been out here all night, and if they know what the hell is going on - the stars blinking out and then coming back as if someone had hit a light switch off and on. They don’t even get the chance to answer before Gwen’s eyes suddenly go wide, as if she just realised something, and pulls Ianto into a hug herself. She asks quietly if something a little more major happened, and if Ianto knew anything about it. He nods and promises to tell her later, when he’s worked it all through himself. At the moment, he’s still a little weak on his feet.

When they get back to Cardiff Jack sends Gwen and Rhys home, after Rhys has had a screaming fit about bastard Torchwood and why does no one ever tell him anything, and Gwen just smiles sweetly and kisses her husband till he shuts up. She kisses Jack and Ianto on the cheek before leaving, telling them that if they need absolutely anything that they know where she is. Ianto goes to make tea but Jack stops him, offering to make it himself, and tells Ianto to sit and relax for a second. Ianto protests but then Jack turns it into an order, and Ianto tries out one of Gwen’s pouts before sitting down. He finally explains everything as best he can, about the sound of drums and the future (and past) he saw, the things he felt and why he wanted everything he saw to happen. Jack flinches a little when Ianto mentions the drums but doesn’t say anything. Ianto looks at Jack helplessly again, because while he’s grateful that the universe didn’t end and that he doesn’t hear or see or feel anything anymore, he doesn’t understand why it stopped - they should all be dead right now, forced out of existing due to time itself. Jack doesn’t have any answers for him and instead pulls him close, murmuring that maybe, just maybe, they stopped it from happening.


End file.
